The Last Year...

One year ago I was turning 29. I weighed just over 300 pounds. And I was miserable. My life wasn't where I wanted it to be.

Today, I am days away of turning 30. I lost 110 pounds. I am happy. And my life is getting to where I want it to be.

What a difference a year can make. I am on my last week of being 29. I am 29 weeks pregnant and about to become a mother for the first time. I never thought that this time last year I would be pregnant. I went through a lot with the surgery and adjusting to a new way of life and now my life is going to be very different.

As I look back I thought this summer I would be able to go to an amusement park and get on a rollercoaster and not feel embarrassed. Well, gotta wait one more summer. I wouldn't change it for the world. I am bringing a little baby girl into the world this fall - and I will be able to bring her to the parks going forward.

People ask me if I am happy that I had the surgery. I am happy that I had the surgery because if I didn't, I wouldn't have Ava. I didn't think I would become pregnant this quick after the surgery, but God gives me what I can handle. There were things I don't like because of the surgery. I lost a lot of my hair, I still throw up at time. I get pain in my side because of things moving around. I still don't like my arms! But I am not done. I got about 30-40 pounds I think I would like to lose. I need to work on my arms. And I think my hair is growing back. Maybe not as quick as I hope, but it will happen. This is the hard part of surgery now. The last pounds to get off. The toning that needs to be done. I still have a hard time eating what I should and doing it slowly. Sometimes I just get really hungry and I forget and just eat. But then I soon remember when it comes back up.

I am happy. I fit in clothes from non-plus size stores. I am pregnant. I have more energy. I am more flexible where I can sit on the ground and cross my legs and be able to be comfortable. I am happy because when Ava is here I will be able to sit on the floor and play with her. I will have the energy to be a good mom for her. My life is for her now. I have this connection with her that I never knew about.

I am learning about what a mother is about. It's about the love you have for your children. The things you will do for them to protect them. Because of the surgery I was very low on my vitamin count. Since I got pregnant I have been taking vitamins left and right. I am concerned that I am not doing enough to make sure she is ok. That she is growing. If anything happens to her, I will know it's my fault. I want to make sure she is ok. I want to make sure she is growing good.

I was looking for to my June appointment to get another sonogram picture of Ava. But the office had to cancel. So now I have to wait till the mid-end of July. The more time that goes on the more worried I get because I don't know if she is ok. I did get to hear her heart beat the other day. Her heart was beating strong. I also know that she is active because she moves a lot. Which helps ease my worries to know that she is moving and breathing. Once I get another picture of her - I will be better.

I feel like I am all over the place. But that's my year. I lost 110 pounds. I get a daughter and my life is about to change - yet again!