Back to "Normal"

First day of eating whatever I want now! What a feeling I have. What to eat - what should I start with. Well - I did it... I had a turkey burger! It was such a great feeling. Actually eating something with texture and flavor. Making dinner and being able to share it with Eric. 6 weeks of eating protein shakes and soft foods. I did it. I am just about to cross over to the other side. Once I can get to excerise I will feel a lot better. Only 1 week to go on that. I am still taking things slow - but I still feel good about being able to eat whatever one else can eat now. I just look at the labels - and I am good to go!

Almost 2 weeks down on my first MBA class. The first week was rather easy - and then the second week came. Week 1 was like a tease. I am spending about 4 hours a night doing work. There goes my TV time. Thank goodness for DVR come the fall.

Kick in the Butt

Back to work, going to school = Becky's butt getting kicked! But honestly I wouldn't have any other way. The world of learning in school is a great feeling. I like being there and learning what others have to say and what experiences they go through. This is a great challenge for me because I have always been the shy one in school and now I am forced to speak my mind. I am still nervous about it and I don't want to make a fool of myself. But I know each week or even day I will get better. I have finished my first week and I am pretty proud of myself!

So - week 2 of stage 3 kinda got me in trouble. Now that I can eat more and more I went overboard yet again. Well kinda... I don't think I was ready for ground beef (even though it said I could have it). It made me kinda sick yesterday and part of today. However, cheese sticks are a wonderful thing! I have always liked them, but now I love them even more. Back to going slow, and maybe next weekend I will try a taco again but with ground turkey!

A New Look...

Today was my first day back to work since the surgery - 3 weeks ago. It was yet again mix feelings. Was I ready? Should I really go back so soon? Yes - I was ready, and I was glad I did. I was getting bored at home, and really needed something to do. And boy did work keep me busy. Only if that happened every day. I did get a bit tired in the afternoon, but I worked through it. Did a a little walk and moved around a lot more then I have at home. I believe that will help me lose the weight and hope it will help me sleep at night. Even though every day gets a little better, I am still not sleeping through the night. However, I know it will happen.

The changes I have made in my life so far are really working out for me. I feel physically better and I know that changes my attitude. Also going to school again makes me want to learn more about businesses and the world. Today I feel I have a new look at life.

Tonight I am introducing some new foods. CHEESE! Of course, low fat, low sugar! And boy was it good! I am on week 2 of this stage and don't have to use the blender so much now!

Mixed Emotions

I am scared and I am excited. Today is my first day of Grad School. Nervous because I don't know what to expect, excited because I know I can do great things with it. Day 1 I spent 2 hours reading over everything and getting my notes together. If 2 hours is just day 1 - what will the rest be! I wanted a challenge - and now I am getting it. Well... it beats eating!

As I am feeling better each day - I am really looking forward to exercising. I never thought I would say that because I never liked it before. But now that I am seeing results - I want to keep it going. I love the weight loss - but I need the tone muscles too. I know it will come in time. Don't want to over do anything!

Reality

Called my doctor today and asked to be able to return to work. I think I am ready - but I am still tired. But I am thinking I will see how it goes. i have a couple days left at home to work my way up to going back. I am moving better and sleeping better. I can now spend more time on my side and part way on my stomach. The more I get to introduce into my diet the more energy I believe I will have.

My weight loss in on track. 6 pounds since last Monday. 21 since the surgery and 45 overall. Once I get cleared to exercise I know I will feel better. I keep walking and doing things around the house. I am looking forward to doing some strength training - to increase the lost. It's been almost a month since I put on work clothes - and now I am a little worried to see how they will fit. I know they won't be tight - but how loose will they be! It's strange to think that way since most of my life I always thought the other way!

Choices

I am finding the beauty of food again. It has now been over a month since I had solid "normal" food. I believe that my sense of smell has really heighten. I think I can smell a fried piece of meat a mile away. But as I go through this journey, I now appreciate food more. Before it was there to comfort me in my sad times, happy times, and all the times in between. Now it's there to give me energy and make sure I am healthy. I now eat because I have to - not because I want to. Don't get me wrong, those burgers, and fried chickens smell great and I want them. But I actually rethink about it. Do I really want to destroy everything I have worked for these last 5 months? All the pain and frustration... NOPE! I now take my time, and still drink my meals... but soon I will be able to enjoy each and every bit and now I am doing good.

Going into this next step that I started Friday has really made me think about all the choices I have. And I know as time goes on I get more and more choices. Mashed potatoes settled very well. The flavor and just having something different was fantastic. Because they settled well I thought I would try stuffing. Not really sure if I was supposed to have it - but I thought, it is made the same way as mashed potatoes. bread and herbs. So I went for it. That filled me up way faster then the potatoes. I guess I am just getting really sick of soup, pudding and yogurt. Soon enough I will be able to eat tuna and chicken!! I have now made my shakes a lot better. I add fresh fruit or frozen berries. Ahh... the choices!

Advancing

I have gotten through stage 2 now, and now I am onto stage 3. New food choices, and more flavor! Foods are to be pureed and soft for 2 weeks, but each texture is only a week long - so in a week I will be able to have even more choices. Today will be the much anticipated mashed potatoes! We will see how that goes.

Still having a bit trouble sleeping - however I am completely of the meds! I still have some pain, but not enough to have the high strength stuff. Each night I am getting a little more but I am still tired throughout the day. I am doing a little more and more each day with my activity and soon will be back to work.

I had my first follow up last Monday and I made my goal - actually I surpassed it. My goal was 12 pounds, and I have lost 15! Going out this weekend to get a scale so I can keep track of the weight loss. Since I have started my journey - I am down 39 pounds!! Each Sunday I will be weighing in to make sure I am on track!

Obstacles

My birthday came and it went. This year was a different year and feeling. Didn't really feel like my birthday. There was no cake, no ice cream, but there was a sugar free pudding cup! I know in the long run, its all worth it. But on special occasions its nice to have a little something sweet. I know this time next year will be very different.

This is one of the hardest things I have had to do. Probably right now the hardest thing. 1/2 yogurt for breakfast, 4 oz of soup for lunch, 4 oz of a protein shake for dinner, and one from bedtime snack. At least I get different flavors. I got through the 4th of July, and my birthday. I am down 1 week, and 3 more to go with this "special" eating. 1 more week of the full liquids, then its baby food! Sitting watching bbq's and just wanting a bit is really hard. Smelling the flavors and just watching people enjoy the foods I want are hard. But I keep plugging away. I eat because I need the protein. That right there is a good feeling to me. I don't eat because I am bored, because I am not hungry. That's a huge obstacle to get through right there alone.

Mistakes - Life Lessons

I have made mistakes - or as some people say, life lessons. But as the saying goes - as long as you learn from them, then you will be ok. As I have plenty of time to sit back and relax during my recovery - that one thing I have been thinking of is hoping people will learn from me. If I can help people not make the same mistakes then that will be the greatest gift I could ever receive. Everyday I think of the many "life lessons" I have had - and part of me wishes I really learned from someone else so I didn't have to go through it - but then I think - I was meant to go through it. Life is hard - no one ever said it was easy. But as I work one day at a time, I know I will be ok.

A Week Later

Does weight loss equal less sleep? Or is it the surgery itself or the heat? Maybe its a combination of it all. I am having a hard time sleeping. I am going to bed later and later - and getting up every day at the same time. Maybe it could be that I still can't sleep on my side and I am laying on my back like I am a mummy. After a week of that its getting a little uncomfortable.

1 week later. I am on my way. Everyday I get a little better. I even think my feet are losing weight! Hehe! Maybe this means I actually won't have to get wide shoes anymore. That will be amazing. I can't remember when I was actually able to by regular shoes. Maybe that's why I never had a shoe fetish. I am taking less meds - so I am thinking that is a good sign. I am still having some issues getting my water and protein. I am just never hungry. Wow - never thought I would ever say that. The one trick I am doing well I am at home is - 3 glasses equals enough water for the day. So since I am home and don't do much - I pour my glasses in the morning and know I have that much to drink by the end of the night.

P&C

The one thing I have tired to remember through my life is what Grandpa Todd always tired to teach me. P&C - patients and control. I need to practice that more then ever. Last night I tried to sleep on my side and that lasted for about 2 seconds. I have been sleeping good but I get stiff sleeping on my back. But like Grandpa Todd has always said to me - P&C.

Small things are starting to happen. I can now get out of bed on my own. I can get up from the couch on my own. Because its been really hot I need to drink more water. So instead of drinking every 15 minutes - I am drinking every 10 minutes. The last 2 days I didn't do good on my drinking so I thought if I can tolerate every 10 minutes I will do better.

Goal for today is to walk 3 times for 5 minutes. Because it is hot out - I don't want to do to much. Plus that gas pain really hurts when I walk - but I know its the best thing for me.

Mental Health

Sometimes your body can trick you. I thought I was feeling like a million bucks - but I think I was feeling like 5 bucks! Did a little to much on Saturday and slept a little more on Sunday. However, I managed to get out last night and did see the 4th of July fireworks! I was around family and it was nice. I took it easy most of the day - and then just for a couple of hours sat outside and watch everyone eat hot dogs and hamburgers.

Its such a different feeling though. Some people were like - why would you sit there and watch us eat food that you can't have. I think it's because I know I can't have it - and I know if I did that it would make me really ill. I didn't go through all this to just ruin it because I want a bit of potato salad or a hot dog. Don't get me wrong - it did look and smell really good. But this is my life now. And I am happy with that. Something that I heard recently - if you have a healthy head - you will have a healthy body. My head hasn't been healthy for a long time and going through this process has really helped me change my mental state to help change my health state. Of course I could have had a tummy tuck, and lypo but that just changes the out side - it doesn't change the inside. If I did that I would be how I am today in 6 months. This is my life - this isn't just a phase!

Flavor!

It has been 17 days of no flavor foods. And today is day 1 of bringing back flavor. I get to reintroduce food into my diet now. Everything will be low fat, low sugar, and high protein. For lunch I have cream of broccoli soup and Crystal light! So the can of soup is going to last me a couple of days - but that will help reduce the grocery budget and save a little money. If I can lose weight and save money - this was so worth it. I really think I would have second thoughts about going through this if I didn't already have gone through surgery. Because this was elective surgery - I knew what I was getting into. When I had my gall bladder out - I didn't have a choice. I really think that has prepared me for the pain I am going through. I am still of course in pain - but I am handling it well. I am getting up and walking around the house to prevent the blood clots. I know in a week - things will feel really different and I can live my life!

Time will Tell

The day came - and the day went. My stomach is now much smaller. I don't feel much different - except I am in slight pain. But hey, it's only day 2 after surgery! Considering what they did - I am in really good shape. I am eating my jello, drinking my water, and sleeping when I fall asleep. I was really lucky and got out of the hospital just 54 hours after surgery. I was really expecting to stay a full 72 - but because I did so well, I got to leave! I feel because of the hard work I did prior to the surgery made me heal faster at the hospital. I also feel because this wasn't my first surgery - I kinda knew what to expect. Hopefully that will make me just feel better around the house too. Time will tell.