Just Breathe

Time to relax. Breathe and just be ok and know that God will take care of things. I was very frustrated and angry last night, hence my last post. But I am learning to just breathe. I can't control others and I can only control myself. Each day I do good is a better day. Focusing on the day today is all I can do right now. Why worry about tomorrow when who knows what's about to happend.

I am actually having a great day. I managed to get all my school work done so I can just relax on the holiday. I cleaned the house so when I come home tomorrow from work I can just relax. I am getting a pattern down with school and that is helping me a lot. The next two years I will be really focusing on school and I don't think that is so bad. It's kinda fun! I know weird huh... school fun?! I must be crazy!

My eating is going well. I am really focusing on knowing when to stop. Eat slowly and get in that protein. That's what my eating is about now. I am glad I am losing and I just look forward to buying some new clothes one day. I think by now I am 2-3 sizes smaller. Not really sure because I haven't bought anything new. But I think if I did - I could buyer 2-3 sizes smaller. I have the hesitation of buying new clothes or even trying them on because for all I can remember is every time I tried on new clothes I had to go up a size. I know that is not the case now, but it's overcoming that fear.

Frustrations of Life

The calm before the storm. I am so frustrated that I can't protect the ones I love from the hurricane. Why is it that people who do not want kids get kids and the people who would do anything for them can't get them. All I want to do is love them and care for them. I am a good person and just want to show them the world. What happened in her life that makes her so miserable? Why can't she see that the world isn't out to hurt her and would help her if she just let them in. As much as it pains me to say this... I do ask God to be with her and help her work through the troubles that she has. We all have to deal with the actions of our past. If you can't embrace what happened and learn from it, then you will never be happy. I don't have kids of my own, but I know what it feels like to have a wonderful boy that I will always love as if he was my own. It pains me to see what she does to my family. The hold and limitations she has on my family is not fair! Why does she get to have this control? Who died and made her queen! Why does it have to be this way... why can't she see that we are not the enemy and we just want what is best for the one precious thing in life... the little boy I love.

Aww... PROTEIN!

I really need to get up and get walking or something. I am getting more and more tired. It also could have to do with the amount of food I am eating... or should I say, not eating. I am very nervous about my protein intake, and I don't feel like I am doing good on it. I may get about 1/2 of what I should, and I am so worried about my hair falling out. I don't know if I just never noticed it before, or if it is because of the surgery - but I feel like more hair is coming out. I gotta get back on my protein shakes and get it done! It's way to important to. I just notice that I am not eating. I am lucky if I get three meals in. I will get there - I just gotta do it.

Started my second class this week. It's all about HR - so I really hope I do well. If not, then I better find me a new job! Just kidding. There is a lot of reading, and papers, but I feel I can handle it. I kinda really like school. It gives me something to do instead of eating. I really feel that is important. Us fat people didn't get this way for no reason. All of our reasons are different, but mine was being bored and being emotional. Now that I have more responsibilities at work, and doing school, I am too tired to eat! I am not bored anymore!

I love summer, but I think I am ready for fall. Fall is my favorite time of year I think. Other then the fact I get really busy at work, the holidays are coming, lots of birthdays are coming. It just feels good!